Picking Scabs

If you have a Facebook page there’s a good chance you’ve been ambushed by a few posts thanks to the “See Your Memories” app. Some of them are brutal, many of them award you with perspective of how much you’ve changed, and some of them are downright brilliant in the way that something you said or posted years ago hits you in a way today that you exactly need it.

So, well done, past posts, for looking out for future me. Below is one from eight years ago. Yes, eight. I wrote it in a Facebook Note. When I find something like this it makes the fact that I scroll through posts with memories that aren’t preferred to relive a little more bearable.

***
I walked away

not unbreakable
not invincible
but loved unconditionally in a way that we cannot fathom as humans
the mere mortals that we are
breathing this stale air
that we choose to infect and decorate with our own spirits

at the onset of fall of last I sat still,
patiently
but aware.
a visceral foghorn rings aloud and time slows to a crawl like winter sap rushing down a tree
I am plowed across the asphalt like a baby turtle washed away by the ocean
glass breaking
steel crunching
the contents of my life contained in the trunk of my car flying through the air
in stop-motion filmstrips until they are halted by the dashboard
the car’s blood spills out, staining the road
lights flashing and blinking, clicking like a countdown unknown to me
white smoke oozing from under hood sending signals to passers-by
burnt rubber smeared upon the black canvas
time resumes and all I see is gray
instinctively I whip myself up and exit
heading back towards the other
until he shows me what I just walked out of
no injuries
no scratches
no bruises
just shock
I walked away

not a fortnight ago
I walk the streets of a town I am not familiar with as I thought
under the lamps of downtown
followed by the moon
to eerily enter into the black
the only patch of darkness on my way home
under the 242
gravel beneath my feet
bogged down with two bags
they emerge from the darkness
three strong
stopped by the first
blindsided by the second
knocked down and thrown in the dust to watch them run off with wallet and phone
and I walked away
minor scratches
multiple bruises
but nonetheless
I walked away

He wants me here
I walked away from Him
and He appreciates I have walked back
so I thank Him for letting me walk away safely
not unbreakable
not invincible
but loved unconditionally in a way that we cannot fathom as humans
the mere mortals that we are
breathing in this stale air
when we should be breathing in the life that we are awarded
and the love that surrounds us

MdL 22JUN08
***

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